A bit of silliness in proposing this during my final student council meeting prior to graduation. Needless to say the motion didn’t pass and the university campus still lacks a monorail.
I would like to propose to council that the university is in desperate need of a state-of-the-art monorail system.
The reasoning and rational behind the requirement for such a transit network is explained in detail below. I hope that you will find yourself in agreement with the view that an integrated monorail would improve the quality of day-to-day life for both students and staff alike.
That the university is lacking a modern monorail system linking the various departments, halls of residences, student union, and the airport.
Universities with integrated monorail systems tend to perform better in the league tables than those without.
Monorails have been shown to reduce crime, when criminals are placed in the path of a travelling monorail.
That on-campus students are frequently late for lectures. A monorail system will help provide them with a couple of minutes extra sleep in the mornings without them running the risk of tardiness when making lectures.
That student practical joking is becoming more sophisticated. A monorail system would provide a new means of creative output for hilarious student mischief.
That the monorail system should be design by Heriot-Watt Engineering undergraduates in order to supply them with real life experience in their chosen field.
That the trains should be driverless, and controlled by computers.
That this driverless software should be written by Heriot-Watt computer science students, and be chosen from the best submissions for the third year Computer Science module: High Integrity Computing.
That the layout of the monorail network should account for potential future expansion to the other Heriot-Watt campuses of Galashiels, Orkney and Dubai.
That monorails are cool.
To lobby the university to begin the design and preliminary construction of a monorail system. University officials may need bribed with refreshing beverages, or have their pets threatened.
That once the monorail is built, all students and staff should be expected to chant ‘Monorail, monorail…’ whenever the monorail passes by. This should be followed by a rendition of The Monorail Song (if it’s good enough for Springfield, it’s good enough for Heriot-Watt.)
To form a Monorail Society to promote the advantages of a modern monorail system on campus. Should the Monorail be built, the society will hold frequent parties, nights out and film showings, on the monorail.
That the track layout when viewed from space should look like the outline of a smiley face.