Monorail Proposal

A bit of silliness in proposing this during my final student council meeting prior to graduation. Needless to say the motion didn’t pass and the university campus still lacks a monorail.

Motion To Council: Construction of a Monorail System

I would like to propose to council that the university is in desperate need of a state-of-the-art monorail system.

The reasoning and rational behind the requirement for such a transit network is explained in detail below. I hope that you will find yourself in agreement with the view that an integrated monorail would improve the quality of day-to-day life for both students and staff alike.

Council Notes:

  • That the university is lacking a modern monorail system linking the various departments, halls of residences, student union, and the airport.

  • Universities with integrated monorail systems tend to perform better in the league tables than those without.

  • Monorails have been shown to reduce crime, when criminals are placed in the path of a travelling monorail.

Council Believes:

  • That on-campus students are frequently late for lectures. A monorail system will help provide them with a couple of minutes extra sleep in the mornings without them running the risk of tardiness when making lectures.

  • That student practical joking is becoming more sophisticated. A monorail system would provide a new means of creative output for hilarious student mischief.

  • That the monorail system should be design by Heriot-Watt Engineering undergraduates in order to supply them with real life experience in their chosen field.

  • That the trains should be driverless, and controlled by computers.

  • That this driverless software should be written by Heriot-Watt computer science students, and be chosen from the best submissions for the third year Computer Science module: High Integrity Computing.

  • That the layout of the monorail network should account for potential future expansion to the other Heriot-Watt campuses of Galashiels, Orkney and Dubai.

  • That monorails are cool.

Council Resolves:

  • To lobby the university to begin the design and preliminary construction of a monorail system. University officials may need bribed with refreshing beverages, or have their pets threatened.

  • That once the monorail is built, all students and staff should be expected to chant ‘Monorail, monorail…’ whenever the monorail passes by. This should be followed by a rendition of The Monorail Song (if it’s good enough for Springfield, it’s good enough for Heriot-Watt.)

  • To form a Monorail Society to promote the advantages of a modern monorail system on campus. Should the Monorail be built, the society will hold frequent parties, nights out and film showings, on the monorail.

  • That the track layout when viewed from space should look like the outline of a smiley face.

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